Call me completely pathetic, please. He tries to hang out with me yesterday, so as usual I act like a bitch, because I'm trying my hardest not to care about him. Then like always, he pulls me back under his little fucking spell that he likes to do and BAM, I'm thinking about him all the time agian.
I'm not quite sure what my issue is. Apart of me love him till his grave, apart of me would love to spend every milasecond of my life with him, apart of me wants to give him the world to make him happy, especially happy with me.
On the other hand, apart of me wants him completely out of my life, apart of me wants to forget completely about him and keep living life, him not included. But the truth is I really can't live without him... I have to be reassured that he cares about me, but the way he talks to me I perceive it's not even close to what I'm looking for.
When I see him I want him to feel the exact same way he feels about me, but that hasn't happend in over a year.

I can't give up, but I WANT to so badly. This just adds on to the stress that I've already built up inside my head, but this situation has happend so much in over a year that my tolerance for it just keeps getting higher.

I should have just said yes to being with him when he asked me..