Tonight was an interesting night, Steve's asleep and I wanna talk to him so bad


xoxoxoxo

Well, It's 6:25, and the truth is I woke up thinking about it, at 5:50. YOU really did like me, What guy would wanna spend every night on the phone with a girl who lives far away, that youll never see, what guy wouldn't read all my surveys about him and not like me? I think the only reason you hurt me like you did is because you needed to get rid of me, fast. But you insisted on making it a bigger deal than it should have been, you could have just told me.
I don't know maybe I'm completely wrong, I considered him maybe being completely insane, (a conclusion I do not doubt at all) I've considered a bunch of things.
But truth is I'm utterly and completely happy with Steve and I wouldn't trade him for one thing in the world even if it was a life supply of authentic Chanel stuff, oh thatd be wonderful, but its true.

My myspace song makes me wannaaaaaaaa dance, all my nail polish is coming off and it's my favorite color, I miss my baabeeee. I passed history with a fucking 76! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT CUZ I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

ps I still feel mad lonely, still... but I'm happy today, today is a good day!

I need to find out what the fuck is wrong with me fast before I blow my fucking head off. Maybe I'm bi-polar, maybe i'm just fucked up. Who knows, I just can not afford to push away one the of best people in my life right now, please God don't let me loose him

Have you ever felt like you have everything in the world that you could possibly want but you still feel completely alone? That sounds outragously emo but really. For over a year I thought falling in love would take away all of that would basicly heal everything, but now I realize I'm wrong. Steve is something else, I want to see him every second of the day, I love talking to him, I love kissing him, I love his eyes, his smile, How funny he is, everything about him gets to me and I still feel like he's not completely there.


I've come to the conclusion there's something wrong with me and I'm not sure what it is yet, and I reaaaaaallly need some help figuring it out. Because If I don't let myself go then I don't see myself ever being completely, full on happy. Not saying that I'm not super happy at the moment, I just feel like I have potential to be happier.

WHY AM I CRYING

This is where everything catches up, I'm not sure if it's just my time of the month or i'm really upset. I'm so scared still, or just fed up, I'm feeling a whole bunch of things. I have 50 dollars I could spend it on alot of different things that would probably make everything go away which would be amazing, but I won't. I'd like to run away by myself with no one able to contact me and never come back, like go ask alice except less fucked up.
My back is killing me and i feel horrible, I'm about to take worlds longest bath.


:(

It's so uncalled for and so unexpected for me to feel this way about someone so fast. I talked to my mom yesterday, and she said no matter what in any situation, you're always gonna get hurt, and I said "well, aren't you scared?" and she said no, im living in the moment, in the now. I came open hearted in this relationship and now it couldn't be more perfect. So I took her advice and let my guard down, and I can truely say my boyfriend is perfect for me, every aspect of him. I know most people probably think I'm crazy for admitting that one word to him, I think I'm crazy for letting it happen, but I'm happy.

^^^^^ HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Last night I wrote a letter to myself that was impossibly true. It's about how I need to treat my mom, not only as a friend but as parent, to stop pushing her away finding reasons to be mad at her, I need to learn now while I can so I don't push new people away.
Thursday night, my 16th birthday, was most deffinately not the way I pictured it, but all in all, I don't have a phone, I probably won't have a computer later, but I hung out with Lizzy, Ashley and Jason, and it seriously made my night, I couldn't have more fun just sitting at a diner, and a playground with the best people on this earth. Seriously.
Last night was amazing as well I got to see Steve which always put a hugeeeeeeee smile on my face. He's honestly way to good to be true, or just way too good for me in general, perfect perfect perfect. I could go on and on about how much and what I love about Steve but I won't. Just know that he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.
Today should be ten times more interesting, I haven't talked to my mom since our little arguement thursday night. But I think all will be well, I can't have things be awkward really, I think like usual we both need time to calm down.

Kelsey xoxoxooxox

I don't know whats wrong with me but lately I'm so completely down. I have everything I could ask for. But I feel like I'm loosing one of the most important people in my life. My best friend, I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do...incredibly.
I'm just not happy. My grades suck, I should be excited, my birthdays next week you know? I have an amazing boyfriend.


I think I still have issues, thanks to a certain someone. That i'll never be good enough for someone, either it'd be my boyfriend, mom, best friend, who ever. I'll never feel like I'll live up to their expectations.