It's so uncalled for and so unexpected for me to feel this way about someone so fast. I talked to my mom yesterday, and she said no matter what in any situation, you're always gonna get hurt, and I said "well, aren't you scared?" and she said no, im living in the moment, in the now. I came open hearted in this relationship and now it couldn't be more perfect. So I took her advice and let my guard down, and I can truely say my boyfriend is perfect for me, every aspect of him. I know most people probably think I'm crazy for admitting that one word to him, I think I'm crazy for letting it happen, but I'm happy.

^^^^^ HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Last night I wrote a letter to myself that was impossibly true. It's about how I need to treat my mom, not only as a friend but as parent, to stop pushing her away finding reasons to be mad at her, I need to learn now while I can so I don't push new people away.
Thursday night, my 16th birthday, was most deffinately not the way I pictured it, but all in all, I don't have a phone, I probably won't have a computer later, but I hung out with Lizzy, Ashley and Jason, and it seriously made my night, I couldn't have more fun just sitting at a diner, and a playground with the best people on this earth. Seriously.
Last night was amazing as well I got to see Steve which always put a hugeeeeeeee smile on my face. He's honestly way to good to be true, or just way too good for me in general, perfect perfect perfect. I could go on and on about how much and what I love about Steve but I won't. Just know that he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.
Today should be ten times more interesting, I haven't talked to my mom since our little arguement thursday night. But I think all will be well, I can't have things be awkward really, I think like usual we both need time to calm down.

Kelsey xoxoxooxox

I don't know whats wrong with me but lately I'm so completely down. I have everything I could ask for. But I feel like I'm loosing one of the most important people in my life. My best friend, I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do...incredibly.
I'm just not happy. My grades suck, I should be excited, my birthdays next week you know? I have an amazing boyfriend.


I think I still have issues, thanks to a certain someone. That i'll never be good enough for someone, either it'd be my boyfriend, mom, best friend, who ever. I'll never feel like I'll live up to their expectations.

REASONS WHY IM HAPPY
1. The way it makes me feel when I don't answer any of his texts "Babydoll, be with me blahblahblah"
2. Talking to a really good dude
3. A couple more weeks till my birthday!

REASONS WHY IM PISSED:
1. I'm close to failing sophmore year..
2. My mom won't take me shopping.
3. The dramatic Morgan, Myers, prom thing

A failure doesn't even compare to what I am. I suck at everything. I don't even want to go out tonight because I feel so shitty.

I haven't updated in a bit. I kicked someone of out my life woo! (aka the person who inspired me to write the last 2 blogs) thats one thing that makes me feel better for sure.

I'm bored :(

Everytime I think about him leaving me for good, feels like my heart starts refiguring itself some how and I start to get tears in my eyes. I love kissing him not only strictly because it's him, but I know he'll always be there. &I would hope I know someone will always care about me the way he does. The way I feel about him is completely irrevocable. I can't say I'm in love with him, but maybe I'm just in denial.
I haven't heard from him in about 2 days and it kills me so bad. This is the things that makes me want to cut him off completely, but there is NO possible way I could ever do that. Unless I just so happen to fall in love with someone else which I highly doubt would ever happen.
What kills me most is the fact I know the feeling isn't mutual. If it was, we'd make things work like we did, things would be completely different than they are now.
I'm just worried If I cut him off completely, something will happen to him and I won't be there, I don't fucking know.

I feel like i'd be better off trying to not live a lie. Right?


I know another pathetic post, I'm just really going crazy here, for over the past year the same shit has been happening and I'm just so entirely sick of this.